Last Chance to Fight With the Locals

Last ride this year, guys - 
We are taking a great farewell route to the Shore this time. North Up ocean avenue, over the Bridge at Sandy Hook, Up to the Lookout, then over to NORMANDY ROAD - that super-secret government road that has giant signs like this:




 So everyone bring a fake ID, just in case we get stopped by the MPs. Just remember, my name is Fred.



So We will START at Allen Avenue at 9:45, 
PICKUP on OCEAN and PARK at 10:00. 
And off we go...

Here is the map::



View Normandy in a larger map
 

Ok Team,  - This week we are going to take it easy - because I have a Triathalon to do on Sunday - So the ride's gonna be 35 miles to Burnt Tavern Road somewhere south of Allenhurst.

Here's the map:

View Aug24 in a larger map



Meet at Allen Avenue at 9:45. Leaving at 9:55 really. This is a 35 mile ride we should be done in 2 hours.

See ya Saturday.

Captain Joe.

Carlos Danger is Analog! Or he's just a Weiner.

This week we review the life and times of a prominent New York Jew. What can be said that has not already been regurgitated by everyone in America:

   

I"m baaack. And I'm really sorry. All that stuff took place a loooooong time ago. What's that? Oh. I meant it took place a while ago, before I resigned from Congress. And by before I mean after. And it was only one girl. And by one I mean a few. Which, by that, I mean 4 - really 6. Look, this is about is New York City, not about me. Which means about me.  Have you seen my abs? I work on them every day. Twice. Only when I'm playing with myself, which is like, never, but only after lunch. And, maybe, after dinner. OK, so I'm naked  most of the time, and all of that time I'm on Twitter or Instagram. Look, I'm just a humble Jew from Brooklyn with a huge nose and a huger schlong, with just a small propensity towards narcissistic sexual exhibisionism. The mayor's office is no place for sex and scandal and late night excursions strip clubs and whorehouses - which I'm told is all covered by the 9/11 slush fund. We have to screen every female that comes in Gracie Mansion - not just anyone can get into LaGuardia's secret sex dungeon. And I care about schools, and taxes, and low rent housing, really I do. Please vote for me. Or Huma's uncle is gonna cut off my nuts.

I mean look at me The original nerd, nebbish, meskite with a Jewfro. What did you expect?

Yeah, with faces like this we have no choice. Go Hardcore or go home, I say. The chicks were all lined up during Saved By the Bell, but after, well, lets' just say the Screech monster had to start searching high and low to get his daily dose of poontang. It's was tough for a while. We didn't have the internet in those days. I had to cruise the malls and rest stops looking for my fix of puss. Then the porn movie thing came along, and that was great! Coked-out strippers and weekly HIV tests. I love show biz. Before that, Howard Stern wouldn't call me. Now I'm on every other day, usually with Danny Bonadouche and John Stamos. If you want, I can mention your name to Gary the Retard.

I keep getting stuff in my eye. Tears of regret, of compassion, of sorrow? Nah, my load is just so damn strong. I've blinded people with the sheer volume and thickness of my issue - wait, is this mike on? And I want to say I'm sorry, sorry , sorry, and that this is behind me. Sorry ( Look at that ass over there, Wow, you great a great view from up here on the podium - Let me tweet this)  And in conclusion, sorry. really . I mean it this time.

Ride for Saturday, July 27, 2013

So on to the reason for this post, this week's ride. We will be heading north, leaving Allenhurst at 9:45, pickup on Park Ave and Ocean Ave at 10:00. Gonna make this a short but a good workout, under 30 miles. Here is the map:


View Little Loop of 30 Miles. in a larger map

 Team Teasy Club Update News

Last week, I asked you guys to chip in some dues to fund the Team Teasy Commissary.  These guys each paid up the $50 Lifetime Exclusive Personal Riding License Fee - LEPRLF - which will enable them free access to goods and services offered by the Commissary, or my closet. Eddie, Morris B, Alan, and Jason all paid in, along with my $50, I made and initial purchase of $287 worth of goods from Nashbar, at 22% off.  Now available:

• Cytomax Drink Powder. It's got Electrolytes. Orange and Grape available for mixing in your water bottle. This stuff has some caffeine and will keep you from bonking.
• CLIF SHOT BLOCKS. Strawberry and Orange. Orange has some caffeine also.
• GU. I got Vanilla Bean and Chocolate. 
• TUBES. I got 10 or so tubes. Everyone should have at least ONE in their packs for each ride . I have long valve and regular valve lengths, so I'll give you what you need. 

We should each just take what we need for the ride that day. I want to hear from you as to what goods we want keep in stock: flavors, new items, whatever. Everyone what did not pay - bring $50.

See Ya,
Captain Joe.


 

Gipsy Danger is Analog!

 What a bunch of crap from a crap movie. Yeah, I saw this monstrosity.   

Not to make a full review of this thing, I just could not buy into the premise:
We can't destroy these monsters with: jets, drones, bullets, missiles, nerve gas, bunker busters, lasers, or nuclear missiles. But we CAN build giant robots to PUNCH  them, with arms powered by rockets. Rockets that can power missiles. 

Oh and we have a giant sword. Because swords are better than lasers. Following this logic,  this guy could finish them off before lunch:

Guns? Swords? Bullshit. This long string of cow leather will get those bastards. I beat the Nazis with this thing. If you just turn around so I can snap this at your butt.

As for that analog line - besides the wooden acting, the bad backstories, the ridiculousness of it all -  Charlie Hunnam declares "Gipsy Danger is analog!!!!"  - As if that would save us from the massive EMP that wiped out everyone's iPhone. This is analog:

 This is analog, mostly:

I was born in the year 2100, with bio-synthetic parts from frog DNA and 5000 Christmas lights.

 This ain't analog:

You are not looking at a black and white Dumont TV, are you Charlie?? This machine is tied to cerebral cortex. I think a few ones and zeroes are being used here. 

What a disappointment. They spent $200 million on this thing. If they put $200,000,000 cash in a room, and charged people to see it, that would have made more sense. 

THE RIDE FOR JULY 20, 2013

This week,  we are going to ride south around the Manasquan Reservoir. And we are going to try to go earlier.  The ride will START AT 9:30am from Allenhurst.

Also, it's very hot out - everyone should be drinking this whole week. Water. Your piss should be light yellow. 

And bring your own snacks this time - I am out of inventory.

On that note, I am collecting  for the Team Teasy Nutrition Fund. Basically, you guys pony up $50 each, I'll buy some snacks and Cytomax drinks for the rides. Powerbars, Clif Bars, Clif Shot Blocks, Jelly Beans, GU, etc. I want to buy wholesale by the case. We'll keep it at the house, and you can load up each week. Use the comments to tell me whet you want.

Link to Map:Mansquan Reservoir Ride. Man37 Map.

Map:


View Man37 in a larger map


And Coach Fat Ass will not be with us this week. Ray spent the kid's inheritance to fly everyone  to Greece (my invitation got lost). Mabrook for you, the wife, and the kids. Enjoy, Coach, see you when you get back. 



 The CLYMB. Good Stuff cheep.  Click this for some great deals on some great stuff.